Project Synergy Application Form
Thank you for applying to Econet’s latest supplementary program, Project Synergy. Complete this form to the best of your ability.
If you have any questions or concerns, let them fester. Feel them sprout and chew on the underside of your skull. Collect the residue in the self-addressed plastic tube. We’ll get back to you as soon as possible.
Demographics
Name: Elizabeth 5
Age: 23
Gender: Coniferous
Sexuality: We are not defined by our individual preferences
Very good. Seriously, though, Sexuality: Lesbian
Background
Q1: How long have you been employed at Econet?
A1: Since the founding. Our first member was germinated by the heat of the final, gasping solar flares. We fell. We landed. We were prosperous.
Q2: Where were you employed previously?
A2: We were pilgrims aboard an ice-ridden comet. None of us remember what came before. None of us remember what we were running from.
Q3: Do you have any regrets?
A3: Regret is inefficient.
Q4: Are you satisfied with your position at Econet?
Q4: We are.
Q4: Are you satisfied?
A4: We are.
Q4: Are you?
A4: N/A
Foreground
Q1: Who were you before Econet?
A1: Oh, God. There was a ‘before’, wasn’t there? Who am I talking to? Can you hear me?
Sorry, that’s not important right now. My name was Liz. Is Liz. Yeah, my name’s Liz.
I was a meteorologist. Not like a weatherman, I chased storms. Tornadoes, mostly. Not like we get a lot of hurricanes in the Midwest, right?
Shit, is there even a Midwest anymore? Where am I? Where did you ta
Q2: How did you become interested in Econet?
A2: What the hell? Did I pass out again? Must be the stress. With the Mandorla event coming up I have about a million deadlines to meet before it hits. God, I hope it hasn’t touched down yet. Can I check my phone qui
Q2: How did you become interested in Econet?
A2: Fuck! Stop that! Damn, that’s a nasty headache.
So you really want your answer to that. Fine, assholes.
You’re talking about the Mandorla, right? Or one of the aftereffects, I guess. Is that what Econet is? On the news they were talking about the funnel suction strength being enough to suck stuff down from the higher layers of atmosphere. I haven't seen anything that extreme in my career, but I researched the heck out of it.
Wait, is that what you are? Are you from sp
Q3: Please describe your personal life before joining Econet.
A3: Shit, shit, shit! I could feel you doing it that time. I know you fuckers are in there. Just let me fucking talk, alright? There’s no need to sting, or bite, or whatever you’re doing in there.
QU: Fine. Answer the question succinctly.
A3: Thank you. Okay, so, personal life? Yeah, I stayed home whenever I wasn’t out chasing. I didn’t get home as often as I’d like, but what can you do. It’s not like I control when and where the storms show up. It’s a demanding job, but Cierra knew that when s
IET: Elizabeth.
A3: Right, I get the hint. I’ll stick to the question, just stop...
I was married. No kids, two cats. We went to the park sometimes and flew RC helicopters. Is that what you’re looking for? I don’t know wha
Request Details
Project Synergy is designed to promote healthy host hygiene in order to prevent infection and disease. As total organic nullification has proven challenging, we are now attempting cooperation with the host. As you answer these questions, please keep in mind the unique needs of your host, and how she could be persuaded to calm the fuck down.
Q1: Was your host an easy-going person? Did this vary depending on whether she was at work or at home?
A1: Our host was very ambitious, rarely to the point of aggression, but often to the point of frustrating those closest to her. Few of her colleagues could match her energy, so she most often worked alone. As a result, her work was often stressful, and this carried on to her personal life. She made herself unhappy. She is still, despite everything, unhappy.
Q2: Did your host have any allergies, specifically plant-based allergies?
A2: Once Cierra made a shrimp stir-fry for dinner. Our host had returned from a long day on the road, and was pleased to find a homemade meal awaiting her. She didn’t notice that Cierra had put celery in the stir-fry until she had taken a bite. Our host had to go to the hospital. Cierra drove her there, but then had to return home after a few hours, because she had work in the morning. Our host was upset. She awoke the next morning, alone, in a hospital bed, and could not remember who she was.
Q3: Was your host an insomniac?
A3: She could no longer sleep in her own bed. She was worried she’d forget herself again. She tried sleeping on the couch, on the floor, with and without Cierra, but nothing helped. She spent late nights researching a predicted supertornado they called the Mandorla. Cierra spent her mornings stepping around our host, passed out, going without coffee because their coffee maker was so loud.
Q4: Was there anything your host used to relax? (e.g. music, physical affection, physical activity)
A4: There were envelopes on the table. Cierra’s toothbrush was in the second bathroom. The downstairs freezer was filled with Hot Pockets and Lean Cuisine, and the upstairs refrigerator was empty. Our host was worried about losing everything, more so than losing herself. The day before landfall, she passed out at 10:34 AM and awoke in the middle of the night with a clear head. The Mandorla’s landfall was predicted to take place in just a couple hours. She took Cierra’s car because hers was out of gas and there was no time to waste. She didn't concern herself with anything but the storm. She did not know her own name and she drove into the eye of the tornado in an unarmored Chevrolet Cruze.
Q5: With your previous answers in mind, what, in your opinion, is the source of the problem?
A5: Our host is laden with information that troubles her. We cannot soothe her anxiety while she bemoans old careers, old relationships, old self-identifications. It shrivels our roots and poisons our leaves. We cannot metabolize such raw self-loathing.
Additional Details
Q1: What can Econet provide to make you more comfortable?
HE: How long was that. How long was I out. I thought you agreed not to
Q1: make you more comfortable?
LP: Where is my w
Q1: more comfortable?
ME: Let me sp
Preliminary Action
After submitting this form, Econet will review your request and address your concerns as satisfactorily as possible. In the meantime, please attempt the following actions to pacify your host until Econet is able to provide a lasting solution. In order for us to provide more effective service, please also note your host’s reaction to each action taken.
Step 1: Assure your host that it is in her best interest to cooperate. Remind her of her value, that no harm will come to her, and she will see her family soon.
Reaction: Host experiences feelings of flattery, then disgust at herself. She remembers us guiding her safely through the tornado’s eye, before she even knew we were here. She is no more afraid of us than she is afraid of everything, everyone, all the time. It is an annoying, though consistent, state of equilibrium for this host. With our intervention, her worries are no longer rational, yet they persist. She expects harm, whether a threat is present or not. Does she know something we do not? Does she see monsters we are blind to?
Step 2: Discuss your host’s desires, and whether they are still possible to achieve. If they are, attempt to reach a compromise. If they aren’t, try to explain this to her.
Reaction: She wants us gone. She wants her lungs to work again. She knows the air tastes different now, and yet, she still wants to breathe. She feels as though she is drowning, even though we provide plenty of oxygen to her cells. She clutches her throat. We worry for her, and by extension, ourselves.
Step 3 (to be taken only in very extreme cases of host rejection): Allow your host to sample your memories. Unveil to her the enormity of our journey, the ancient genetic code we’ve perfected over millennia. Tell her how great our health care plan is. We even have dental. Does she know how rare that is? To survive an evolutionary schism? And to keep all of your teeth?
Reaction: Host does not reply for several hours. We worry that she is ill, or perhaps dying. When she speaks again, it is not out loud, as she usually communicates with us, but internally, the way we speak to her. She feels grateful, and mystified. From what we can tell, her heart rate has lowered to a speed that indicates restfulness. And she says:
“I guess this is what I’ve been chasing all along, something so fucking scary it justifies how scared I feel, all the fucking time. But I’m not scared now. I can’t be, with a hundred alien parasites telling me everything’s fine. I can’t be scared of you, it’d be like being scared of my liver.
“Are you going to erase me? I keep thinking you will, but you keep talking to me, and why would you bother? That’s what scares me the most, that you guys will someday be piloting my empty husk. Like, I’d be watching, but couldn’t move, or think, or do anything at all. That’s the scary shit.
“Maybe there’s no point in bargaining, but what the hell. Hey, please don’t do that. Let me stick around. Promise me that, and we’ll get along fine. And stay away from my teeth.”
Final Instructions
Please mail this form and any questions in the self-addressed plastic tube. Your participation in this program is very important to us. Expect a response in three to four weeks. In the meantime, we wish you and your host a pleasant day.
Yours,
Econet Inc., Supplier Of Quality Symbiotics Since 277 A.B.B.